July 17, 2010

Thanks to You…I have a Better Address!

I may be stumbling and bumbling through this whole blogging process, but thanks to the popularity of this blog I have decided to make it more legitimate with a new address www.NumbNoMore.com

What does this mean for you?

This means I will be able to show you books and resources that I love more easily (I hope).  My goal is to continue to grow the site and provide even more help and support for gamblers and other folks who would like the encouragement.  Thanks so much for your patience and love throughout this journey.  Together we are making a difference and I am honored that you are joining me!

My new posts can be found over here: www.NumbNoMore.com

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July 4, 2010

Regain Your Independence

Love Me or Not

He Loves me, he Loves me not, he Loves me...

I’m a firm believer in divine timing. When you are facing a problem the right teacher, book, words or feelings will appear before you. You have a choice whether you would like to pay attention to the message or struggle some more. This whole “living my life with feelings” can be quite a roller coaster.

My husband Rog has been one of my greatest teachers in life. Currently one of my biggest lessons is about control. I go through phases of throwing a hissy fit over my his addiction. He has been a smoker for over 20 years now. I’m a habits and addictions coach, I should be able to help him feel better, right? I forget that he doesn’t need to be saved. My feelings of inadequacy are definitely suited for another dedicated blog post later on. He doesn’t want the help but I hate his habit.

Sometimes I can accept his smoking and go on with life. Other times I tell him how much it scares me and that I’d like him to stop, but that I’m willing to compromise and if he wants help I’m more than happy to assist. Some days I get angry that he stinks and my lungs burn and he’s wasting time and…etc.

Why can’t you just do what I ask of you?

I continually attempt to control his behavior. On occasion I have even convinced myself that his cigarettes are more important than I am and that he doesn’t love me. That will usually result in the silent treatment from me so he can see just how hurt I am.

I do all of these things out of fear. I’m not even conscious that I’m trying to get things my way. It’s an ingrained habit of mine. If I’m not in control of a situation I am panicked. I make myself feel even worse because my mind runs away with crazy thoughts. I’m not worthy, I don’t deserve anything and I am unloved.

I’m getting better at realizing when I’m being nutty. One emotion at a time. I see it and I want to change MY behavior. What now?

Take a step back. Breathe. Allow myself to see what’s real.

  • Take a step back: I notice that the insanity is already lifting and all of the crazy thoughts running through my head are starting to slow down. They’re running out of energy. When I’m not caught up in the moment or in the fight it’s easier for me to think.
  • Breathe: Deep cleansing breaths help me feel better. It’s soothing to my frazzled nerves. I concentrate on my breath or positive things. I like to do my breathing around people so often I will go to a coffee shop or park and just relax for a bit.
  • Allow myself to see what’s real: When I have calmed down and I’m thinking rationally I notice some important things:
  • My husband loves me. He is a slave to his addiction. I remember how I was with my gambling. I couldn’t help myself, but I never stopped loving the people close to me. I gave up on myself, not them.
  • I have connected his smoking with the way my mom treated me as a kid and a lack of love. That’s huge! No wonder I throw tantrums and panic about it!
  • This next one is so obvious and yet hidden at the same time: My husband is NOT my mom.

I am safe. I am loved.

Since I am a reader, I turn to books that will feed my soul. A brilliant little pamphlet titled “Letting Go of the Need to Control” by Ann M. helped me move forward in my learning process. It explains what control looks like and what you can do about it. It’s a Hazelden publication that can be found here on their site. Be sure to go there…I checked for it on Amazon and it’s $5 more. It’s a tiny publication but it is packed with great information. I am certain that it will help you feel better. While you’re on Hazelden’s site make sure you shop around. I’ve found that they have incredible, encouraging and uplifting products.

If you would like further assistance please check out my Gambling Coach and Life Coach pages.  There’s nothing like one on one support and encouragement!

Certified Life Coach and Author with experience on Gambling Addiction

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June 16, 2010

Change Is Multiple Choice!

My Books

This is where I usually stop my choices

I have to confess. Change doesn’t come easily for me. It’s about as pleasurable as the sound of someone running their nails down a chalkboard. Yet, the funny thing is that I have a “go with the flow” attitude as well. When it comes to the big life changing things I freeze.

You are observing that right now! I have accepted a challenge to move Jane Cares and Numb No More forward in the next 30 days. You can expect more blog posts, online articles and other goodies that will help get the word out about my dedication to helping people with their habits and addictions. As usual, along the way I will be helping myself as well.

I’m telling you this because I’ve realized that change is multiple choice! My habit is to get to a point where I’ve decided that I need to change something in my life. I rejoice because I know that I’ve made the choice to be aware and take care of myself. Then I will usually find something to research on it by either going to a bookstore or searching online. The next step is to buy a book, read it there or download an article. Woo hoo! Look at me go!

Then there’s this little gremlin in my head that says that I’ve done a great job and that I deserve a break. I can read about it later. I’ve made important strides and I can relax for a bit.

During this break I discover all sorts of other rabbits for me to chase and the thing I was originally wanting to work on has been tossed aside. Maybe later. I’m too busy. I don’t feel like it. I don’t have enough information. Blah, blah, blah.

I’m so tired of doing that to myself! It just makes me feel like a rotten failure. If I keep giving up on myself like that how can I make a difference? I can’t. I’m not willing to make that sacrifice.

I am making a commitment, right now, to keep that fire lit under my butt. I am willing to do whatever it takes to keep me going and moving forward.

I’d love it if you would consider joining me in doing something important to you in the next 30 days (from the time you read this) too. Drop me an email at kim@janecares.com or send me a comment. I’d love to be part of your journey!

Time to go…only 8 minutes to post this! Bye for now…

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June 9, 2010

This Was My Gambling Addiction part 2

This was my Life

There is Never Enough

Here is some more of my previous life.  You can find additional entries under the category of Take a Peek.  I have used these experiences to strengthen my coaching and understanding.  Please keep me in mind when you are ready for help.  Here we go:

October 22, 2005

So what do I want?  It seems to be the infinite question.  I know I’m sounding like a broken record, but I am in trouble with my gaming.  I’m going to hand my [credit] card over to Lee [my ex-husband] tonight.  I must stop the leak – a trickle has turned into a flash flood and it’s drowning me.

October 24, 2005 11:58 pm

I’m having a hard time still.  I’m tired of being alone.  I’m struggling with the idea that what you focus on will appear.  I don’t know how to focus on a loving relationship.  I know that I have a few men who love me.  I want to be wanted too.  How do I convince myself that I am?

My gambling is still discouraging too.  I’m cutting back ok, but I still don’t have control.  I don’t think I ever will.  I miss Lee.  He’s helping me tremendously but I miss being home with him.

November 6, 2005

I was hoping that I’d feel better…when November came (the 11th month), when I spent all the money, when…whenever.

I feel better some days.  I had a terrible day a few days ago.  I needed to meet Lee and I couldn’t make myself get off of the bathroom floor.  I really just wanted to die.  I wanted them [my deceased grandparents] to come get me so I wouldn’t have to hurt anymore.  I keep telling myself that I’m never really alone, but its hard to believe that sometimes.  Am I just feeling sorry for myself?  What if I really am ok just the way I am?  What if I don’t need to “improve” myself for other people to like me?  What if I’m just around the wrong people?  What if…?

What if I win the jackpot at the Atlantis [Casino in Reno]?  I’ll leave – take my house off the market.  Go to school in the spring and come back in the summer and sell it in the fall.  That’s what I’d do.

I’m in the Silver Club coffee shop now.  I’ve eaten my breakfast and I’m ready to go.  Where?

John is supposed to come over today.  Maybe he’ll make me feel better.  I wish I knew how to make myself feel better.

Please feel free to leave comments and share if you find value in this blog.  Thank You.

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Be sure to subscribe as well! I’ve been reading my journals and there is much more good stuff to come!

June 5, 2010

This Was My Gambling Addiction

This was my Life

There is Never Enough

I’m pulling back the curtain on my gambling addiction.  Since I have already written a book and laid my life out on the line, and the fact that I have tended to journal through the rough spots in life, I have decided to give you a better look into my thoughts at the time of my struggles.  I am posting random journal entries with the hope that you will find comfort in knowing that you aren’t alone and that there is hope.  You can find them  under the category of Take a Peek.  I have used these experiences to strengthen my coaching and understanding.  Please keep me in mind when you are ready for help.  Here we go:

9-12-06 2:37 am

Oh, I just love to gamble, and win.  But, how little I win and how often am I coherent enough to enjoy it?  I promised myself I wouldn’t play after I sold the house…I quit after every time I lose (usually).

I actually took a loss break tonight.  All I could think about was going back to gamble.

I’m lonely.  I miss the feeling of someone lovingly touching me.  I miss having sex.  I miss the passion.

I miss having problems other than my addiction.

Please feel free to leave comments and share if you find value in this blog.  Thank You.

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June 1, 2010

Life Changes in the Blink of an Eye…are you Ready?

I don’t think I am. The anticipation is building. I’m waiting for an important phone call that has the potential to change the direction of my life. I am nervous about it to the point of a grumpy anxiety. I’m not happy about the way I’m acting and I’m ready to change my state of mind.

Hmmm. Now what?

After a few normal negative thoughts (I’m still training my stubborn brain) it has occurred to me Continue reading

May 10, 2010

Who Do You Think You Are?

Locks of Love Donation

Locks of Love Donation

Well, who DO you think you are?

Are you stuck with something that someone told you when you were growing up? Maybe it was someone in high school who told you that you were the meanest person they ever knew. Maybe it was a first grade teacher who said you were really great at word problems.

We hear good and bad things as we go through life.  Now that I’m Numb No More and living in the world of the feeling I am realizing just how many bad things I’ve been dragging around (this is an example).  My gambling addiction Continue reading

May 5, 2010

Do I Really Want To FEEL This?

Feeling a bit PricklyReality alert!

Maybe you can relate to this: Sometimes I convince myself that life just sucks.

There are days I don’t want to get out of bed. Those are the days when gambling used to be like a magic eraser for me. Maybe you drink, or pop pills or veg out in front of the tv or computer. We all make choices, right?  We have the choice of whether or not we want to continue living in our sad and lonely place. I have occasionally been known to carry mine around with me Continue reading

April 26, 2010

What Can a Bloom Do?

Blooming roses: something simple and yet so profound.

When I was over my head in gambling drama I didn’t want to do much of anything other than play poker or video slots. I was escaping from the pain of the real world and I didn’t have any room for color other than the neon lights or smells other than the smoke.

Since I made the decision to become Numb No More I have been able to re-discover what I enjoy. Continue reading

April 12, 2010

Patience is NOT one of my virtues…yet

I had to get up at 3:30 this morning. I only got about 4 hours of sleep. I need to fly standby to Los Angeles and the flight was oversold. There are about 40 kids at the gate waiting area. I’m tired and I’m cranky. AND I have a sensitive boyfriend.

These are the makings of a perfect disaster. Continue reading

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