As I was growing up I was taught not to expect anything. I was taught that I wasn’t worthy of receiving. And I was taught that I may as well give up hoping that it would ever change. Screw that.
I am learning to ask for what I need. I get frustrated when other people don’t cooperate with me on this. When I muster up the courage to put a voice to my needs it’s a pretty big deal to me. If it wasn’t important I wouldn’t be asking. I feel like I’m a toddler that throws herself on the ground crying because I’m not getting the love that I’m needing. Sometimes I lash out and say stupid things because I’m hurt. Sometimes I withdraw and crawl into my cave to lick my wounds. Occasionally I do this crazy thing that actually helps me feel better.
I give myself what I need.
No matter how much I beg, kick or scream I can’t make another person do anything. I can make myself do it though.
If I feel myself getting disappointed I try to realize that I’m probably giving out compliments and sharing love with the hope that they will be returned. I can choose to continue feeling sorry for myself or do something different. In an ideal world I choose to take care of myself. If I need encouragement I think about what I’ve been doing right. I think about what a good person I am. I think about more positive things. I bring beauty back into my life.
It would be nice if we could receive the warmth from our loved ones but they are dealing with their own issues too. It’s important that you lift yourself up. In the end, you’re all you’ve got. And that is enough!
What do you do to lift yourself up?
Numb No More 