Thanks to You…I have a Better Address!

I may be stumbling and bumbling through this whole blogging process, but thanks to the popularity of this blog I have decided to make it more legitimate with a new address www.NumbNoMore.com

What does this mean for you?

This means I will be able to show you books and resources that I love more easily (I hope).  My goal is to continue to grow the site and provide even more help and support for gamblers and other folks who would like the encouragement.  Thanks so much for your patience and love throughout this journey.  Together we are making a difference and I am honored that you are joining me!

My new posts can be found over here: www.NumbNoMore.com

Regain Your Independence

He Loves me, he Loves me not, he Loves me...

I’m a firm believer in divine timing. When you are facing a problem the right teacher, book, words or feelings will appear before you. You have a choice whether you would like to pay attention to the message or struggle some more. This whole “living my life with feelings” can be quite a roller coaster.

My husband Rog has been one of my greatest teachers in life. Currently one of my biggest lessons is about control. I go through phases of throwing a hissy fit over my his addiction. He has been a smoker for over 20 years now. I’m a habits and addictions coach, I should be able to help him feel better, right? I forget that he doesn’t need to be saved. My feelings of inadequacy are definitely suited for another dedicated blog post later on. He doesn’t want the help but I hate his habit.

Sometimes I can accept his smoking and go on with life. Other times I tell him how much it scares me and that I’d like him to stop, but that I’m willing to compromise and if he wants help I’m more than happy to assist. Some days I get angry that he stinks and my lungs burn and he’s wasting time and…etc.

Why can’t you just do what I ask of you?

I continually attempt to control his behavior. On occasion I have even convinced myself that his cigarettes are more important than I am and that he doesn’t love me. That will usually result in the silent treatment from me so he can see just how hurt I am.

I do all of these things out of fear. I’m not even conscious that I’m trying to get things my way. It’s an ingrained habit of mine. If I’m not in control of a situation I am panicked. I make myself feel even worse because my mind runs away with crazy thoughts. I’m not worthy, I don’t deserve anything and I am unloved.

I’m getting better at realizing when I’m being nutty. One emotion at a time. I see it and I want to change MY behavior. What now?

Take a step back. Breathe. Allow myself to see what’s real.

• Take a step back: I notice that the insanity is already lifting and all of the crazy thoughts running through my head are starting to slow down. They’re running out of energy. When I’m not caught up in the moment or in the fight it’s easier for me to think.
• Breathe: Deep cleansing breaths help me feel better. It’s soothing to my frazzled nerves. I concentrate on my breath or positive things. I like to do my breathing around people so often I will go to a coffee shop or park and just relax for a bit.
• Allow myself to see what’s real: When I have calmed down and I’m thinking rationally I notice some important things:

My husband loves me. He is a slave to his addiction. I remember how I was with my gambling. I couldn’t help myself, but I never stopped loving the people close to me. I gave up on myself, not them.

I have connected his smoking with the way my mom treated me as a kid and a lack of love. That’s huge! No wonder I throw tantrums and panic about it!

This next one is so obvious and yet hidden at the same time: My husband is NOT my mom.

I am safe. I am loved.

Since I am a reader, I turn to books that will feed my soul. A brilliant little pamphlet titled “Letting Go of the Need to Control” by Ann M. helped me move forward in my learning process. It explains what control looks like and what you can do about it. It’s a Hazelden publication that can be found here on their site. Be sure to go there…I checked for it on Amazon and it’s $5 more. It’s a tiny publication but it is packed with great information. I am certain that it will help you feel better. While you’re on Hazelden’s site make sure you shop around. I’ve found that they have incredible, encouraging and uplifting products.

If you would like further assistance please check out my Gambling Coach and Life Coach pages.  There’s nothing like one on one support and encouragement!

Certified Life Coach and Author with experience on Gambling Addiction

Who Do You Think You Are?

Locks of Love Donation

Well, who DO you think you are?

Are you stuck with something that someone told you when you were growing up? Maybe it was someone in high school who told you that you were the meanest person they ever knew. Maybe it was a first grade teacher who said you were really great at word problems.

We hear good and bad things as we go through life.  Now that I’m Numb No More and living in the world of the feeling I am realizing just how many bad things I’ve been dragging around (this is an example).  My gambling addiction

What Can a Bloom Do?

Blooming roses: something simple and yet so profound.

When I was over my head in gambling drama I didn’t want to do much of anything other than play poker or video slots. I was escaping from the pain of the real world and I didn’t have any room for color other than the neon lights or smells other than the smoke.

Since I made the decision to become Numb No More I have been able to re-discover what I enjoy.

Dump Your Shame!

Think of a time you did something wrong and you were ashamed of your behavior. Or how about the time someone else did it, but you still feel bad about it anyway.

Are you carrying it around with you? Has it become part of the baggage you drag around day to day?

I am ashamed to say

Welcome Home!

The purpose of this blog is to help you see your problems, habits and addictions differently.  When you shift your focus you will be able to dissolve your issues more easily.  Get rid of the negativity, shame and darkness.  You don’t need it anymore.  Choose to focus on health, happiness and light.

Choose to care.

Create a better life.  Enjoy.  Laugh.  Live.  You deserve the best.

Share who you are…we would love to read your comments!

Do You Watch People Win While You Are Losing?

As you’re going along, playing this game of life, do you ever notice that people around you are succeeding while you are struggling?  What goes through your mind as you look at them?  I have a tendency to think, “Good for them, why can’t that be me?”

Why can’t that be me?  I would like to offer several options:

What to do When the Storm of Emotions hits

When I made the choice to start feeling my way through life instead of running away from my problems I had no idea what I was getting myself into.  Most days are filled with wide-eyed wonder at how many colors there are in the world.  Some days are an absolute shit storm of overwhelming emotions.

Allow me to paint you a picture:

What Happens When You Don’t Get Your Way?

As I was growing up I was taught not to expect anything.  I was taught that I wasn’t worthy of receiving.  And I was taught that I may as well give up hoping that it would ever change.  Screw that.

I am learning to ask for what I need.  I get frustrated when other people don’t cooperate with me on this.  When I muster up the courage to put a voice to my needs it’s a pretty big deal to me.  If it wasn’t important I wouldn’t be asking.  I feel like I’m a toddler

The Golden Rule and The Imposter Ruling MY Life

You got Yourself into it, now get Yourself out of it!

Most of the time, under normal circumstances, I think I am able to treat people the way I want to be treated.  The thing I’m struggling with lately is that I haven’t been able to relax and be myself in my relationships for a while.  I find that I spend too much of my time in a panic about whether or not the relationship is going in the “right” direction.